This month as I flicked through my June/July 2013 issue of Esquire magazine, I stumbled upon a great article titled Why Fatherhood Matters by Stephen Marche. As I read through the article, I not only began to really appreciate my relationship with my boys, but also the extreme importance of not only having my own dad still around, but also being very fortunate that I have a father-in-law who is tremendously important in my life.
Below are some of the highlights I took away from the article.
The article starts out discussing some of the perils one is thrown into upon the death of their father. All the decision making, planning, and organizing. Let alone the agony of having to tell your own kids of their grandfather’s demise. It was at that moment that the author realized he had become a man.
No longer was he going to be able to turn to his dad for his wealth of knowledge and expertise. Now all the decision making was up to him.
“As the patriarchy is slowly dying, as masculinity continues to undergo a constant process of redefinition, fatherhood has never mattered more. Having children has always been a major life marker, of course, but the demise of other markers of masculine identity has given fatherhood outsize importance.”
The article goes on by acknowledging that very few things in life are simply masculine, except fatherhood, and no one can claim that as their own.
“Only fatherhood is indisputably masculine, which is why when you ask men when they became men, they usually answer when they became a father or lost a father.”
Fortunately, I was put into the manhood position by becoming a father.
My entire life, my number one goal in life was never to become rich or successful, or own certain luxuries. While those things may be nice, I live a very fortunate life. From as far back in my life as I could remember, the number one thing I wanted to do with my life was to be a husband and a father.
Today, now that I am living that dream, I walk around proud of my accomplishments, knowing no one can take my sense of pride away that I have knowing my wife and I have a wonderfully, healthy relationship, and that I am there for my boys no matter what. I get an overwhelming sense of satisfaction being an integral part of my boys lives and helping guide them into being the man that I have become.
“Fatherhood is also classically aspirational. It’s a marker of class, pure and simple. Fatherlessness is a real crisis even as fatherhood gains this wild significance. In 2008, 41 percent of births involved unmarried women compared with 28 percent in 1990. Fatherlessness as a condition has been linked with virtually every social ill you can name (the big exception being lesbian families): Young men who grow up without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail, 63 percent of youths who commit suicide are from fatherless homes, and 71 percent of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.”
Everyday I see within our boys the importance of having both a loving mom and dad together in their lives, as well as the spoiled love of aunts, uncles, and grandparents. They all play a crucial role in the development of our boys, allowing them to learn various life lessons from the generations of research that has been conducted before them. Yet, all with the reminder that boys will be boys, and to let a kid be a kid.
The article wraps up with how the author elected to tell his son that his grandfather was no longer around.
“I brought my son back to the house and sat him down in the living room with his mother. I told him his grandfather was dead. He wanted to know if that meant he would never see him again. I said yes. Then he started to weep. The lesson was harsh for a six-year-old: People are there and then they’re not. He threw himself into my arms. I was his father. And all that meant, right then, was that I was there. I was there for my son. I would be there until I wasn’t. And that was enough.”
This holiday weekend, seek not what others can do for you, but rather look inside and feel proud of that moment when you captured your manhood. Realize the important role we play in the lives of our children, teaching them to one day follow in our footsteps.
Save Money, Travel More!
Source: Esquire/InACents
